Look a Little Deeper

A few years ago, a friend of mine was having a lot of trouble with an infection under her arm.  The doctor decided to make an incision that would speed up the healing time.  Well, what was supposed to be simple and routine, ended up being more serious and took forever.  After her ordeal was over, she and I had a discussion on the matter...  She said, “You would not believe what was in my arm… the doctor just kept pulling stuff out!”  She asked the doctor how all of that  "stuff" could have been in her arm!  The doctor explained that over a period of time, the infection had tunneled very deeply and that’s why it was taking so long to heal.  As we discussed it further, I started thinking of all the similarities between her arm and my Spiritual heart.

I often tell the church, “I have been on this journey for some time now and I am still amazed at the mess that God keeps pulling out of my heart.”  My reaction to Him is much like my friend’s reaction to her doctor; “That was in there all the time?  And, did all of that come out of there?”  I mean, just when I think that my heart has been completely revealed, God allows an encounter with the right kind of pull and pressure that causes some more stuff to manifest!  Oh the times that I’ve tried to blame my difficulties on certain people and certain encounters instead of admitting that if there was nothing ugly in my heart then the encounter couldn’t draw it out!  Do you know what I mean?  Being easily drawn or easily provoked in any way will have more to do with what’s going on inside you instead of what’s going on between you and others.

We cannot blame others for our lack of self-control, immaturity issues, lust, anger, jealousy…  Need I go on?   Instead of getting upset with others that seem to have personalities that draw you, provoke you, or really get your goat - thank God for allowing what was hidden in you to be revealed.  Without His help that stuff might sit there undetected, tunneling deeper and deeper.   After all, it is what’s in our heart that defiles us and it never hurts to look a little deeper.

Loving U Like a Sister,

Regina

God Knows Perfectly!

Because of the fact that I can carry a tune, I have often been counseled and somewhat commanded by others in the church to: join the choir; lead Praise and Worship; sing at weddings and funerals, etc., etc. ... And there have been many times that I have been accused of false humility all because of refusing to call myself “a singer.”  It’s not that I mind singing but my range is somewhere around b minor and so because of this I refer to myself as a worshipper… not a singer!  If you have no range you cannot sing along with most people and sometimes it’s difficult to even get through a song without your voice cracking from the strain.  Had things been different, I would have gladly began an awesome music ministry (or maybe took the road to Nashville) a very long time ago. Lol! …

Along my journey, I have met many people who thought that they knew better what I should do, how I should do it, and who I should do it for.  And humorously enough, it was usually them that they were convinced that I should be doing it for.  I have never met a human being that I thought would make a very good God.  Another thing that has been interesting is that there have been numerous people along my journey that have scorned, tried to shame, and did their best to change me from being talkative.  The reason that this is funny is because it’s the very thing in my personality that God uses; not only as a speaker in church but also in casual settings where my willingness to communicate (lol) enables me to reach out to other women, helping them to feel acknowledged, accepted and comfortable.

God has a unique plan for all of us and His plan always matches His design.  His design (you) always matches His plan.  We don’t have to force ourselves into the shape or mold that someone else demands from us.  God planned our personality and matched it perfectly with our destiny.  He knows how and where He wants to use each of us.  If man was capable of calling, equipping and figuring out every detail of our life, we would have no need for the Holy Spirit.  Of course, I believe in friendship, partnership and mentorship and the accountability that it offers, but I have lived long enough to know that when it comes to the author and finisher of my faith…there is One who knows better than anyone else… my Lord.

Loving U like a Sister,
 
Regina

Who Wants to Fight?

Salvation is free but gaining new territory will cost you something.  Many Christians quote the Prayer of Jabez from 1 Chronicles.  They can make it sound eloquent, easy and even romantic, as they proclaim; “Bless me, bless me indeed and enlarge my territory.”  Not to take anything away from God’s Word or its recital but we must understand, “not without a good fight!”

Back in those days, God not only allowed but He ordered many of the battles that His people faced.  Through fighting they gained favor, possessions, and territory (and sometimes it was just access to the path across).  Their knowledge of God and their dependence on Him increased with every rival.  How did they keep their peace in the middle of major conflict?  How were they able to maintain a feeling of security with the constant threat of an enemy?  In the same way that you and I can today; they were made fully aware of God’s good intention for them and His promise that they would prevail!  The word reached them and they chose to believe.

So is being a Christian all about conflict, battles and fighting?  Of course not!  Our daily walk with God can be paralleled to the many books of the Bible...  Some days we are like the psalmist singing songs and making melodies from our heart.  Some days are filled with passion and deep emotion like the words in Song of Solomon.  Some days are like Leviticus, Proverbs, and Paul’s writings; filled with instruction, letter and law.  Like everyone else on this earth -  we love, we live, we laugh, we cry and we grow...  But as Christians, we do have an enemy and as long as we live down here, we will have battles.

If we want to grow then we will have to fight for the new ground and sometimes we will have to fight just to keep what God has already given.  Who wants to fight?  Not me! But I have and I will because I have found peace in the promises of God.  Bless me, bless me indeed and enlarge my territory.  Yes, I am willing to stand, face and fight! God has spoken, it is written and I believe.  I  am going to win!

Loving U Like a Sister,
 
Regina

Number 7: Femininity’s Creator and Helper is God

Woman… God’s Good Thing! An In-depth look into Femininity from the Proverbs 31 Woman

Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.

Most women catch on early in life that there is definitely a sensual part of us that will (usually) “move” even the wisest man.  The world tends to think that Christian women aren’t in touch with things like sensuality.  It’s not that we are not in touch, it’s just that most of us understand the concept: use it, don’t abuse it!  We can do sexy, but we choose to keep it between us and our husbands and don’t feel the need to exploit it or wear it on our sleeves.  As for performing for the men, it’s not that we don’t know how… it’s just that we know better!  We also know the answer to the question, to what avail and to what profit is any favor that is relinquished to you based on your sensuality?  If you act to gain their favor then you must keep on acting to keep it and you will miss out on every part of you that is authentic and real.  Also worth considering, the performance can get old quickly to most men and trying to keep up with it all will eventually become exhausting to you.  Performing for the world while you ignore His commandments is an unspoken message to God that your fear and reverence is more toward man than Him.

It’s not that women don’t need the favor of man, we most certainly do (not everyone just the right one).  Every successful woman that is mentioned in the Bible had the help and favor of some man.  Those listed as having found favor with man also were noted for their fear of God.  There are others that were noted for making their own way but their ending was not anything that would entice you to imitate them.  There were women who performed to gain favor and there were women who prayed and trusted God to give them favor.  You might ask, "What’s the difference?"  Well, one of the differences is this; if you follow God and wait on Him to give you favor then you will also have His help with timing.  God not only knows where you need to be but He also knows when you need to be there.  Because this is the beginning of a New Year, you will probably hear a lot of messages about vision and while vision is important, please be mindful of timing.  Performance driven lives are almost never in sequence with what God is doing.  But women who fear God are led by His Spirit and always seem to be in the right place at the right time.

As women, we will probably always care about man’s opinion to some degree and will sometimes be tempted to perform for their help or approval.  After all, we are the glory of man and it’s hard not to desire their acceptance.  As Christian women though, we must understand who it is that is the greatest and who it is that offers us the greatest reward.  God will give honor to the women who fear Him and He will give favor to all of those who hold His word in high regard.  The blessing of the Lord is not one that man can assign nor can he withhold.  Our God is a great God and is in charge of favor, woman and man. He will help us because we are the creation of His hands.  Give us of the fruit of our hands and let our own works praise us in the gates.  We are women…God’s good thing!

Loving U Like a Sister,

Regina

Number 6: Femininity Has an Instinct for Balance and Order

Woman… God’s Good Thing! An In-depth look into Femininity from the Proverbs 31 Woman

The Proverbs 31 woman watched over the ways of her household and did not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arose and called her blessed; her husband also, and he praised her.

Women were designed to produce and are miserable when they are not.  It doesn't have to be a "baby", we just want and need to be a part of something that we can feel good about.  Production has a lot to do with career choices and can be a part of the reason why married women sometimes go in search of a job.  Now I know that you might say, "Maybe it's because she needs the money".  In some cases, that's definitely true.  Most households could benefit from more income, but never underestimate the power of personal satisfaction that is gained by the production that her job offers.  For the woman with the family though, she could very well end up in a major struggle for time, balance and order.   God understands all of this and gave femininity a nature that draws her toward balance and order and His Word can be completely trusted as her guide.

Purposely prioritizing your day (or your life for that matter) in agreement with God’s word, will be one of the wisest decisions you will ever make.  Choosing to ignore the order given in God’s word will always be a set up for failure.  It may not look like failure to the world but women who ignore their responsibility to their children and husband will certainly not like the ending result.  Note the women who strive to keep intimacy with God, their husband and children.  They are the women who have less chaos, confusion, and yes, infidelity in their life.  Today, women are much busier than they’ve ever been but I’m not sure that their production is at its best.  Sometimes where we choose to produce can end up being a time thief more than a place where we are actually producing.

I can tell you that I have many women friends who are stay-at-home moms who have a full day of production.  I also have many women friends who have a family and a job who seem to stay in a healthy balance.  Of course, I do know some on both sides who have neither.  Balance and order in our life has nothing to do with a career choice but a lot to do with devotion and even more to do with peace of mind.  Femininity is instinctive at keeping things in order.  We have a natural and spiritual ability given to us by God that causes us to think about Him, our family, and how to prioritize it all.  Women that have learned how to produce (whatever or wherever) with their family getting their fair share of time have achieved the real success.  Wives who have prioritized their daily routine, with their husband not feeling left out at the end of the day, are women who understand more than just a few things about life.  If the Proverbs 31 woman could accomplish all that she did and still remained watchful over her household, she not only understood balance and order... She mastered it.

The Proverbs 31 woman was very busy, but not too busy, to look after her own household.  The instinct for order and balance is in every woman.  Never override that voice inside your heart that is helping you make decisions based on what will give you peace of mind.  Production is a good thing!  Production with balance and order is an even better thing.  Log on next week for the final segment in the study of Woman... God's Good Thing.

Loving U Like a Sister,

Regina

Number 5: Femininity Can Reflect Even the Smallest Ray of Light

Woman… God’s Good Thing!  An In-depth look into Femininity from the Proverbs 31 Woman

The Proverbs 31 woman’s husband was known in the gates as he set among the elders.  Funny... You may wonder what does that have to do with her?  Well, you would probably be surprised at how much a wife is looked at when a husband is being considered for a position in a high place.  Sitting with the elders in the gates was high positioning back in those days.  It’s where business was handled and many political affairs were decided.  Though most of us will not have to deal with the public eye when we consider accepting a marriage proposal, we should still understand that we are a reflection of our husband even in the smallest arena.  Even family members will take notice to how a woman responds concerning her husband in his presence and when he’s not around.  A man’s character, devotion and behavior can easily be seen through his wife.  Therefore, everything in her demeanor will be a reflection of him.

One might ask, “Doesn’t then the responsibility rely on the husband’s behavior”?  Yes, somewhat, but please consider this: Choosing to reflect the positive about one’s relationship will always be a celebration of light and godly character.  A wife can choose to dwell in the rays of good things that the husband reflects to her (no matter how small or few they are) or she can choose to dwell in the darkness of everything that he does wrong.  She could ridicule and remind everyone of his human failures or she could focus her attention to what he’s doing right.  So then as wives, we have a choice to either magnify his strength or expose his weakness.  I’m sure that you have lived long enough to know that men and women surely have both!

Trust me...  Choosing to constantly complain about your husband’s infirmity, especially in front of others, will never get you out of those dark places.  Not only will he eventually despise you, others will too.  Other people certainly take notice of women who seem to magnify their husband’s weaknesses everywhere they go.  They understand that these women are looking for some kind of approval or affirmation that they are the "good one".  Instead of sympathy, she will get disdain.  No man or woman would want to be slandered by their own spouse so most of us have a low tolerance for others that do so.  Our spouse should be the very person in our life that decides purposely to reveal our good nature to others while giving us the safety and room to grow and come up higher (Special note: taking his weakness to God in prayer is a much better option).

The Proverbs 31 woman understood her obligation to her husband’s reputation.  She chose to reflect his goodness and light so that both of them were accepted by all.  Femininity can reflect even the smallest light in masculinity.  A woman doesn’t have to (it’s a choice), but doing so would be a very wise and good thing.  Log on next week for the continued study of Woman... God's Good Thing.

Loving U Like a Sister,

Regina

Number 4: Femininity is ALWAYS Beautiful

Woman…God’s Good Thing! An In-depth look into Femininity from the Proverbs 31 Woman

The Proverbs 31 woman made tapestry for herself.  Her clothing was made with fine linen and purple (very expensive material back in her day).  Some people will try and tell you that women are more vain today than they used to be.  But women have always cared about their appearance and we always will.  Whether it’s putting on beautiful clothing or doing something new with our hair, it’s just a way of saying, “I enjoy being a girl”.  There seems to be some misconception too, that God is against women that “adorn themselves” but everything that the Proverbs 31 woman did was praised by Him (primping too) and precisely placed in His word!  The problem is not that God doesn’t appreciate beauty in women, it’s that the world doesn’t appreciate the divine beauty in every detail of femininity. Truthfully, a woman who takes time to care about the way she looks is celebrating her femininity.  She is saying “I’m happy about being a woman”.

God never intended that a woman’s body be worshipped but He did intend that man take notice.  He never intended that women hate themselves because they don’t fit into the world’s image of beauty.  He intended that we have an understanding of what feminine beauty is.  Femininity is and will always be beautiful by what God desired to see when He looked our way.  What the world tries to push on women isn’t beauty at all.  It’s a false sense of identity to keep us feeling inadequate so that we remain vulnerable to all sorts of prey.  The definition of beauty is not “perfect form” nor is it “perfectly youthful”.  The definition of beauty is “pleasing to the eye” and yes, beauty is still in the eyes of the beholder.  Sometimes as women, we must ask the question,"whose eyes are beholding me and who is the beholder that I must impress?"

So what does God see when He beholds the beauty of femininity?  He sees the softness and the gentleness that can bring “quiet” to even the noisiest atmosphere just by entering it.  He sees the conceiver and bearer of life. Whether it’s nursing a baby or looking after an elderly parent - no one has the ability to sustain life like a woman.  He sees a comforter and nurturer and everything else that goes along with being someone’s daughter, mother, aunt, sister or wife.  To God, beauty is in our countenance and it’s in our response.  It’s in our eyes and it’s in our smile.  Don’t believe that one’s countenance and smile can make you beautiful?  Then take the time to visit a nursing home soon where I’m sure you will find many ninety year old women who are absolutely beautiful.

So fix it, curl it, or straighten it...  Buy it, wear it, and feel good about it!  Just know that what makes you beautiful is deeper than anything that you can put on or take off.  The Proverbs 31 woman made herself some beautiful clothes.  She obviously knew how to look good but it was her feminine design that made her all together beautiful.  Fixing up the outside is never a bad thing but understanding the beauty underneath the skin of femininity is a very good thing.  Log on next week for the continued study of Woman... God's Good Thing.

Loving U Like a Sister,

Regina

Number 3: Femininity Wants to Help and is a Giver by Design

Woman…God’s Good Thing! An In-depth look into Femininity from the Proverbs 31 Woman

The Proverbs 31 woman extended her hands to the poor and reached out her hands to the needy.  Every woman is a helper and giver by God’s design whether she knows it or not.  When God created a woman it was after He had already created a man.  So you can be sure that His plan for women was thoughtful and strategic in keeping with the order of things.  God was sure not to give the same instincts and characteristics to both the man and the woman.  Masculinity was created with the nature of "pursuer and conqueror".  Femininity was created with the nature of "if you are lucky enough to catch me, I can and will help you" (and I’ve been around long enough to know that masculinity definitely needs our help!).  The giver and helper in femininity coincide with the rest of her personality so that masculinity feels good about what he’s already pursued and conquered.  Not only is the woman "God’s gift to man", she is the gift that keeps on giving.

Giving and helping is very rewarding and fulfilling to the female nature.  Whether it’s a delicious meal that an older woman has cooked or a helping hand from a young girl, femininity wants to do something for someone else.  We all probably know a few examples of women who don’t strike us as helpers or givers but take note that these women are usually not the happiest people in the world.  As a matter of fact, they generally are the most miserable!  Women were made to help and are deeply satisfied when they can give.  Even in this modern society, there are many highly educated and successful women that still feel incomplete because they have no family or no man in their life that they can help.  Our generation of women has come further than just having his baby or baking his bread, but trust me, femininity still wants to give masculinity something! lol

After the Proverbs 31 woman made sure that her family had everything that they needed, she helped and gave to others.  She wanted to help and was a giver by God’s design.  She was a good thing and so are you! Log on next week for the continued study of Woman... God's Good Thing.

Loving U like a Sister,

Regina

Number 2: Femininity is Gifted on Purpose with a Purpose

Woman…God’s Good Thing! An In-depth look into Femininity from the Proverbs 31 Woman

God knew what He was doing when He made you.  He knew the very skill that would thrive in you and at the same time bring Him great pleasure in your existence.  The Proverbs 31 woman used her skill and talent to build up her family and honor God.  She sought after and collected her own resources.  She produced her own goods.  She knew how to invest her money and started her own business.  She used her God-given attributes and became a source of strength for everyone around her. Wow!  Don’t you wish you could be like her?  Well, I’m willing to go out on a limb and say that you probably are.

I cannot tell you how many times that I’ve heard a woman say that she’s isn’t good at anything.  I’ve heard some women say that skill and talent somehow passed them by and that they didn’t have much to offer.  Not too long ago, I was talking to a very special someone who told me that she didn’t feel smart or talented.  I pointed out that her house was so beautifully decorated that I was sure Martha Stewart would have given her an award had she seen it!  She was comparing her life to other women and what they were doing with their life.  In my opinion, she had overlooked her own talent and some major praise worthy things that she had done.  Not only is her home beautifully decorated but for several years now, it has been a welcoming and hospitable place for many pastors, church events, children and relatives.

God knew the very skill to give you that would complement your family and help build His kingdom.  The gifts and talent that God gives come with great purpose (God purpose).  His gifting doesn’t have man’s glory in mind.  Don’t think that God left you out or forgot to give you something good.  Instead, seek His face and pray for what’s in you to be revealed.  You are uniquely gifted to achieve the task and fulfill the plan that God had in mind when He made you.  Remember, God didn’t praise the Proverbs 31 woman because she was gifted.  After all, He was the one who gave her the ability. He praised her because of how she used her gifting to serve and build up everyone around her.

The feminine design has never been lacking in skill or talent. The Proverbs 31 woman used hers wisely.  There are many skilled and talented women who are serving the world (singers, dancers, actresses, etc.) but it’s only the women who use their ability to build up their family and honor God that get called "A Good Thing".  Log on next week for the continued study of  Woman... God's Good Thing.

Loving U Like a Sister,

Regina

Number 1: Femininity is Excellent at Securing the Masculine Heart

Woman…God’s Good Thing! An In-depth look into Femininity from the Proverbs 31 Woman

The detailed listing of the Proverbs 31 Woman and all of her attributes begin in verse 11:  The heart of her husband safely trusts her, so he will have no lack of gain.  She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.   Femininity is excellent at securing the masculine heart.   No other created being has the ability to get as close to the man’s heart like the woman.  Therefore, no other being has the responsibility to the man like the woman.  Probably the greatest issue affecting our society today is a lack of trust and our marriages are no exception.  So we can be sure that trust will be at the top of the list of what men want and need in women.

Now more than ever, men are concerned about money and many will be more likely to work toward spending wisely when they feel that their wives are on board too.  Men are naturally inclined to want to have something to show for all their hard work and they are more motivated by what they can provide for their family than what most women think.  There will always be exceptions, but for the most part, wives have more influence than what they realize when it comes to helping husbands get or stay motivated in managing money.  Something to remember is that masculinity hates to deny femininity anything (it makes him feel like a man) so women should not only set a limit on what they are spending but on what they are asking as well.  Even though most households have both the husband and wife bringing income in, he still needs to know that he can trust you with what’s going out.

Another important issue of trust in marriage is sex.  There are many sexual avenues that a man could travel down but only one that doesn’t lead him to a place of shame.  A husband needs a wife who offers a loyal and secure bed.  One of the most difficult things to get women to understand is their God-given ability to strengthen their sexual union with their husband and how important it is to do so.  Most men just want a secure relationship where they can be free and enjoy their life.  Husbands will entrust their heart to wives who have secured the bedroom in loyalty allowing them a place of fulfillment without any guilt.

A woman who is concerned with securing her husband’s heart is like the Proverb 31 Woman, abounding in femininity and definitely …A Good Thing!  Log on next week for the continued study of Woman…God’s Good Thing.

Loving U like A Sister,

Regina

#5 Her Respect of Jealousy

#5 Her Respect of Jealousy - the continued study of the Shulamite woman from the series "Then I Became in His Eyes as One Who Found Peace"

Her words, “Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; for love is as strong as death, Jealousy as cruel as the grave; its flames are flames of fire, A most vehement flame”…… The Shulamite woman understood the anguish and passion of jealousy.  She understood that there would be enticements that would pull for the king’s affection.  She also understood that there would be distractions that would pull for his time.  It’s interesting though, she never gave up her right to feel protective over their relationship.  Her request for the king’s devotion and commitment to her wasn’t childish or brazen. Her desire seems to be more in line with what God requires in His relationships from all of us.

In the Bible, we learn of God’s character, standard, and will.  He proclaims that He is a jealous God. He is mindful of worldly competition and expects our complete attachment and devotion to Him.  God is Holy and has neither thought nor action that is in any way evil or carnal.  Yet, He is jealous over our relationship with Him.  So as a wife, we too can have a proper respect for jealousy that is not based on anything hateful or insecure but on protectiveness and wisdom.

The Shulamite woman had a respect for jealousy that she used to her advantage.  She understood that the closer she got to the king, the better the relationship would be.  Intimacy in marriage is a major defense against many enemies.  Because of jealousy, she was vigilant and fervent to do everything in her power to stay on his mind and in his heart (I could give you a lot of good suggestions here, but I'll let you use your own imagination!).  Back in her time, the seal was a symbol of her being his possession.  She loved the idea of completely belonging to him!  We have come a long way, haven’t we?  Have we?  lol!

So, these days, wives contend with husbands who have business opportunities, ministry opportunities, recreational opportunities, and many, many other opportunities!  Some of these opportunities have the potential to defraud the wife (and the entire family, for that matter) in one way or another (I'm only speaking balance, not restriction).  What’s a girl to do?  Harden your heart and say, "why bother"?  Silence will probably cost you more in the long run.  Many women in their later days spew out poison from what was held back in their former days.  Just being quiet about something and being at peace with something is not the same thing.  Pretending not to be bothered will show up again in the form of bitterness and hate when you least expect it.

The Shulamite woman found peace through speaking her heart to her husband and voicing her jealousy. She not only voiced her concern with jealousy but she respected it enough to let it motivate her toward working on a closer relationship with him.  Maybe you too could benefit from identifying how you feel about jealousy.  You don’t have to drown in it to respect it.  It could be a great tool to help you become an even greater wife.   Believe it or not, it could be one of the key factors hidden in your marriage that helps bring peace.

Log on next week and find out more about the Shulamite woman and how to find peace in study #6, "Her Understanding of True Love".

Loving U Like a Sister,

Regina

#4: The Fight for Her Sexual Identity

#4: The Fight for Her Sexual Identity - the continued study of the Shulamite woman from the series "Then I Became in His Eyes as One Who Found Peace"

The correlation between past experiences and now behavior is evident and can be used as a study to help people understand how they ended up where they are.  This is extremely good news to the people who struggle with their sexual identity.  A lot of times we tend to think only of homosexuality but there are many areas of sexual confusion that are developed or programmed into women because of situations from their past.

For many years I have prayed with women who have had struggles ranging from sexual deviance all the way to being indifferent or cold toward their husbands.  These are very intimate issues so most of the time they suffer silently in their anger or shame.  The good news though is that none of these issues are too difficult for God.  Through the power of His anointing, yokes are destroyed and identity can be built back by His word.  We really can be reprogrammed back into the person that God intended us to be before we were wounded.

In Song of Solomon, there is a passage about a dream that the Shulamite woman had one night.  She was awakened by an inner struggle of passion, timing, and confusion over what was appropriate.  In her struggle, she left the safety of her room and went out into the night.  The watchmen found her and they struck her.  They wounded her and took her veil away.  The veil can represent anything from virginity to specifically belonging to a certain person or group.  So in other words, taking away the veil was damaging to her identity and damaging to her future.

For the Shulamite woman, this was just a very bad dream, but for millions of women around the world this is a reality.  The number of women that have suffered some type of abuse keeps growing... Therefore, the number of hurting women coming through the church doors is growing and growing… Only God can change back what would have been and should have been before one was struck down and wounded.  The Shulamite woman found peace when she woke up from her bad dream.  For the rest of us, peace will be found in a relationship with a loving and healing God.

Log on next week and find out more about the Shulamite woman and how to find peace in study #5, "Her Respect of Jealousy".


Loving U Like a Sister,

Regina

#3 The Law of Attraction

#3:  Her Attraction to Him  The continued study of the Shulamite woman from the Old Testament book: Song of Solomon

You have probably heard the statement, "want what you have".  The enemy is always ready to deceive and devour those who dwell in the land of discontentment.  A wife who is able to keep an attitude of “I’m here because I want to be” has not only become a defense against many enemy forces in her own marriage but she has also created an area of great expectation for her daughter and her future marriage.  In other words, why would a daughter want to save herself for something that looks miserable?  It’s a proven fact that children learn what they live and a woman who lives scornfully inside her marriage need not expect her daughters to have a high regard for it.  On the other hand, a woman who knows how to celebrate her husband within her home will not only help cultivate a healthy desire but also a hope of something worth waiting for in all her children.

The Shulamite woman was able to express clearly how she felt about her marriage.  She certainly displayed an attitude of “I’m glad to be here”.  She was able to model a woman who was content and at peace with how things had turned out.  Her celebration of her husband was enticing and admonishing to us all!  She definitely knew how to talk to the King.  She understood how to affirm his masculinity, praise his strength and appreciate his power.  What man could resist such a woman?  I mean, if you were a man, wouldn’t you want to be with someone who takes pleasure in your company rather than be with someone who makes you feel like a chore?  As Christian women, we should always remember that under our husband’s Christian tag is a human tag and God made us human first.  The sin nature has an unhealthy appetite but there is such a thing as human hunger (more on that some other time).

Having trouble celebrating your husband today?  Maybe desire isn’t what it used to be?  Then be encouraged by the study of the Shulamite woman and her ability to find peace.  She was able to sustain her desire for the King by keeping her focus on his strength.  She describes his body as carved ivory, his hands as rods of gold, and his legs as pillars of marble (all of these symbolize great value and strength).  Every man has his own value and strength whether his title is "King" or not. If you ask God to anoint your eyes, you will see your husband’s masculinity as never before and your praise of him will unlock many doors of new desire between you both.  I tell women, “never underestimate the power of attraction” and most people will get up early for something they desire (and even stay up late).  There are perversions and counterfeits to both sides, but it’s only through the connection between masculinity and femininity that people find true fulfillment and peace.

Log on next week and find out more about the Shulamite woman and how to find peace in study #4, "The Fight for Her Sexual Identity".

Loving U Like a Sister,

Regina

#2 The Importance of Her Self Esteem

Insight Number Two: The Importance of Her Self Esteem

It’s easy to feel insecure in a world that constantly tells you that you’re not enough.  Most women have to battle negative thoughts and feelings about themselves. It’s funny though - most of us never even question where those negative thoughts are coming from. We need to stop and consider where it is that we are getting our information. As Christian women, we have God’s Spirit of truth and acceptance that lives on the inside of us. We can train our ear to listen to what His voice says about us instead of what the world is telling us.

The Shulamite woman seems to have battled thoughts that caused her to doubt and question her value as she compared herself to other women. How many times have we been there? In the first chapter of Song of Solomon, she is apologizing for the color of her skin as if she’s not enough or not as beautiful as all of the other fair skinned women (how funny is that to our generation of tanners?!). It’s interesting though, at the beginning of the very next chapter she is referring to herself as the rose of Sharon and the Lily of the Valleys. It seems that a deeper voice of esteem and assurance took dominion over those insecure thoughts. According to the scholars, she was a poor country girl who worked with her family tending grapes. She would have had every imaginable reason to feel less or lower than the others but her words reveal that she was able to identify herself as something beautiful that she was offering the King.

The Shulamite woman was able to exemplify that being different from everyone else doesn’t make you less it makes you unique. She found favor and acceptance through looking into the eyes of the King instead of comparing herself with everyone else around her. I believe that she decided not to compete for a position that was already hers. You would be surprised at how many women end up there! She was able to withstand the challenge to a power struggle and never gave into the pressure to perform. Again, you’d be surprised at how many women end up there! Her response to the King was with words of the utmost sincerity, honesty and vulnerability. Now, as women, we all need to end up there!

Near the end of the last chapter in Song of Solomon, the Shulamite declares that she had found peace. Her self esteem was the second element that was a part of her finding it. Knowing that we are enough will not only help us win a serious war, it will also keep us from silly little battles that rob us of our time and energy. Next week's insight: #3 Her Attraction to Him!

Loving U Like a Sister,

Regina

#1 Maturity Will Help Bring Peace

The teaching, “Then I Became in His Eyes as One who Found Peace”, is perspectives from the female point of view from the book: Song of Solomon. I shared some of this teaching a few years ago during a women’s conference at a local church. The teaching was born through a desire for a better relationship  between my husband and I. I have learned that you can be a good Christian, in love with God, and yet still be defeated in your relationships. I was defeated for a very long time in many ways until the Holy Spirit opened my eyes and revealed God’s word to me. There’s power in His word! Every application will bring a positive result. That is what separates the Bible from everything else you will ever read. These insights were life-changing for me and I know they will be for you too!


The Shulamite woman had everything in her life that most women desire. She had the King (which sounds like more than enough) and all of the pleasures of being his bride. Most of all, she had peace, which seems to be the very thing most women are lacking these days.

Seven Areas of Insight from the Study of the Shulamite Woman

Number One: Her Maturity

This might not seem like any information that is life-changing, but you’d be surprised how many little girls are walking around in women’s bodies. I always say, “Little girls are cute and fun to be around but they make horrible wives!” Don’t believe me? Just spend some time talking to a man who’s in a relationship with a grown woman who acts more like a child. Your husband is in need of a mature woman who can handle the pressures of life in the same way that the Shulamite woman was expected to handle the pressure of being married to the King.  Men need a responsible partner and want someone capable of helping them "build".  I’ve talked with many single women in the church who are hoping for a husband. They say to me, “I’m waiting for the King! “, I reply, “That’s great as long as you let God make you into queen material!” Never underestimate the ability of the King to discern the difference between a little princess and a real queen! Little princesses want to BE SERVED, but real queens SERVE.

Women who desire to be in a close relationship with a man need to be aware of every area of defeat in their life, especially areas of immaturity. Most men have a very low tolerance for “child like behavior” in women. Maturity will help bring peace. If you are single and you want to attract the right one, you must become the right one. The peace is in knowing that you’ve done your part so that God can do His. If you are a married woman, the peace is in knowing that you can change your attitude and you will be surprised at what will change after that!

Log on next week for INSIGHT # 2 from the study of the Shulamite Woman:  The Importance of Her Self-Esteem

Loving U Like a Sister,

Regina

Men... Who needs them???

It doesn’t take a genius to recognize that people are more confused today about their relationships than ever before.  Women are bombarded with information about love and sex but aren’t convinced that they are getting all the facts.  They seem to have caught on that magazines from the checkout aisle are lacking depth about these subjects and they are now more inclined to seek the truth which can only be found in the Word of God.  This is a good thing.  I mean, it’s great that women are coming back to the Bible for answers and help.  The world’s contradiction is very noticeable as it sends messages that blatantly disdain men (especially tv sitcoms where men are portrayed as incapable and useless) and at the same time, give women tips and suggestions on how to entice and captivate one!  A great relationship between women and men will only be built upon the high value that God places on both sexes.

To begin this teaching, we must understand God’s design for women:  a normal woman would want to be loved and desired by a man.  It was His plan and His design for women.  I have had women shamefully confess to me at the altar that they wanted a husband.  They drop their head as if they were seeking the most inappropriate, hideous thing.  It would be humorous to me if it weren’t so sad.  I find it interesting that "the world" has tried to convince women that they don’t need a man and now they feel guilty that they want one.  Another disheartening situation that I have frequently witnessed is women who feel that their marriage is a lifeless, loveless, even hopeless situation.  They are not convinced that God will change things.  They seem to think that He could care less or that He is just not concerned with that part of their life..….Oh but He is…..that is why the Song of Solomon was included in the word of God!

In Song of Solomon, we see a couple who had everything good that God ordained for marriage.  They seem to have had a fairy tale romance and marriage but God’s word is no fairy tale book at all -- it is The Book of Truth!  God wants women to know that He desires for them to have the same type of intimacy and friendship with their husband that the Shulamite woman had with King Solomon.  It was written to be proof that awesome relationships not only exist but they are worth praying, waiting and working for.  Just like anything else though, we each have a responsibility to learn what the Word of God says and apply it to our lives in a daily walk.  I tell women, "God’s Word works:  if you don’t have what is says you can have then it’s because you are not doing what it tells you to do!"  His Word is a system, and like any good system, you must learn how to work it to get results.

I have and I am a personal testimony that great relationships can be built.  It’s good to know that we have been given a way to build one because most of us will not inherit one. You too can build something so awesome between you and your husband that will make others jealous - just kidding!!  I mean it will be a light and offer hope to others in a lonely world where people are desperately seeking help and wanting something lasting and real.  Get out the Bible, go to the book of Song of Solomon, and read it this week and I will begin the teaching in a few days…….come on its only eight chapters!!  It will probably be the most interesting and steamiest thing you’ve read all summer!

Loving U Like a Sister,
 
Regina

Then I became in His eyes as one who found Peace

Starting next week, I will begin sharing some of the material from my teaching entitled:  "Then I Became in His eyes as one who found Peace".  The teaching comes solely from the book of Song of Solomon. The material is basically a teaching on women’s sexuality and the feminine role.  Some church people get nervous when we enter these waters and a few women especially don’t seem to amen this kind of teaching.  I have often asked them, “in the sixties, when the world was yelling loudly for sexual deviance and spreading filth about human sexuality, why didn’t someone stand up and teach the truth?”  I have checked to see what the CHURCH was teaching young women back then and I cannot find a single word.  It seems the world had a loud, obnoxious voice and the church had no voice at all!

Coming from a background of sexual abuse, I had so many questions and so many areas of defeat in my life when I entered the church.  Not right away, but when I felt safe enough to ask for help, I didn’t get any.  I once asked a pastor’s wife about a certain passage in the Bible, as it seemed to pertain to my situation, but she couldn’t answer me.  She really didn’t know how to help me.  I then went to God and found out that He had a lot to say to women regarding sexuality.  That is when my personal journey of getting out of Egypt began!  Those that call on the name of the Lord shall be delivered.

Through the years, I have come to realize that there are countless numbers of women who struggle in the most intimate areas of their lives.  You’ll be glad to know that I’ve never asked God anything that His Spirit couldn’t help me find the answer to.  God has never been offended at any of my questions.  He is only offended at our unbelief.  God wants women to be helped and to know the truth.  You, as women, have confirmed that you are interested in learning how to come into a place of peace in your relationship with men.

The Bible has a lot to say about romance, sexual desire, personal responsibility, and loyal love!  Don’t think these subjects are interesting?  I assure you some day, if not now, your daughter will!  She will want to be loved and desired (hopefully in that order).  She will want to be “happy” and have a wonderful, fulfilling relationship with a man but it’s hard for our daughters to inherit what we don’t have.  We will all leave some kind of inheritance to our children.  Why not invest now into understanding and be able to pass it along with the rest of your "valuables".  Not only is she worth the investment but you might be surprised at how much help this teaching can really be to you!  I always say, "God can fix a small dent but He also works well with broken pieces!"  I am living proof.  For I truly have "become in his eyes as one who found peace".

Loving U Like a Sister,

Regina

Whew!!! What a Situation!

So many times, we get into situations and wonder where God is.  We don’t feel like He has heard a word of our prayer and there are some of us who feel like he heard but refused to help us.  It really is times like these that develop faith in us.  I have noticed that it is easier to get people to read the word of God than to get them to trust it.  Unfortunately, reading the word of God alone will never develop faith in anyone.  I know women and men who have read the Bible regularly while in jail and prison (for a lack of anything else to read) and they never developed any faith.  Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.  Therefore, we must all be granted a situation where we cannot see the evidence but our hope is in the fact that God said He would do it!

I don’t know what your IT is today, but I know God.  I know that if He allowed it to be in His word, you can trust it.  I know that He is a healing, delivering, restoring, saving God!  I didn’t just read that He was all these things but I went into a situation with Him where it was developed in me that He is all these things.  I had a sickness situation, a bondage situation, a bad marriage situation, and above all, a "badly needing saved" situation.  God came through!  He proved that He was everything that His word said that He was.  I found out that God was bigger than all of my situations!

If you are in a situation today, check and see what the word of God says about it.  Ask God to help you renew your hope in Him.  Remember, there is a difference between wishing and hoping.  Wishing for God to move is just waiting. Hoping in God is waiting with an expectation!  Be like King David in the Bible, he expected to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  You may not believe me right now, but some day you will thank God for the situation.  Without IT you would never know God beyond what you’ve READ Him to be instead of whom you will KNOW Him to be.  Those of us in the ministry probably testify more than we preach that He is certainly worth getting to know.  HE IS GOD!

Loving U Like a Sister,

Regina

Beyond Mere Existence!

Somehow this morning, I have this image in my mind of someone wasting their time trying to feed a dead horse instead of moving out to feed all the starving ponies.  Human nature is amazing to me. We all have that part of us that hates to break a familiar routine!  I mean, what is it about us that we hate to leave the familiar even when it is sooooo lifeless and doesn’t fulfill any part of our being?  Clinging to something that doesn’t offer a sense of fulfillment or satisfaction can lead us to a place of comforting our existence instead of living a life of accomplishment.  Anyone who has ever studied Psychology knows that stress is considered to be the spice of life.  We need a little bit of pressure to help us feel ALIVE!

Feeding a dead horse doesn’t take much effort at all.  Just show up!  Put down new hay and just pretend you don’t see that the other from yesterday is still there.  Press it down so there’s room to pile on more.   Now walk away and feel like you have done something profitable.  You will not even have to shovel away any OUTPUT (lol!), dead horses don’t produce any.  No fuss and no mess.  Easy as pie!  You didn’t even have to break a sweat.  What a life!  You’ve got it made.  But wait...  What about your feeling of accomplishment?  Where is that zeal you used to have?  Where is that feeling of knowing you really made a difference?

Now, on the other hand, getting outside that fence could be quite unsettling.  Oh the faith that it’s going to take to conquer the land of the “unknown”.  Wow!!  You’ll have to believe God for something you cannot see.  You will have to trust God more than ever before.  You will have to take God literally at HIS word.  What a thought!  What an idea!  I mean, letting yourself be put into a place of total dependency on God...  Why that’s like ……..that’s like ….living a life like people in the Bible!  Why that’s absurd isn’t it?  No, it isn't absurd at all...  It’s called living for God instead of existing for God.    Living for God will always lead us into situations that place new demands on our faith.  Existing for God rations the faith obtained long ago from past experiences hoping to have enough to get by.

Loving U Like a Sister,
 
Regina

A Matter of the Heart...

One of my favorite things to do is sit and talk with elderly people.  I find their detailed accounts of past experiences captivating!  A few years back, I sat and listened to a man in his ninety’s tell me all about the life that he had lived.  He told me of his long career working for Pepsi and how he had spent many of his days traveling different roads to different towns.  He had me convinced that his memories of yesterday were vivid and accurate.  Wow! The changes that he had seen throughout his life time... Imagine in ninety plus years, the development we call progress that had taken place.  His contrast of the past and present didn’t seem to have any bias nor did I detect any negativity or bitterness about the changes he’d witnessed.  He just recollected what and how it used to be but he never disputed that the present was any worse or better than the past.


I am not saying that he didn’t miss the “good old Days".  I am saying though, that it seemed to me that he was clever enough to be able to adjust himself to his environment for the sake of survival.  I got the impression that he wasn’t the kind of man who would just lie down and die because life refused to stand still to please his sentiment.  Through the years he moved with the movement.  When things became modern, he bought modern.  Do you know what I mean?  He bought a modern car and put in a phone.  He bought a television and many modern appliances for his wife.  He took advantage of what was made convenient and kept living his life for God.   He understood that his devotion to serve God was a matter of the heart and not a matter of what was available.

Through the years sin took advantage over the phone, the television, and even cars (gossip, sexual immorality, drunk driving, etc.).  It doesn’t seem like the enemy has left anything out or alone.  Yet in all these things, the old man had prevailed against the enemy in his walk with God.  How?  HE UNDERSTOOD THAT HIS DEVOTION TO SERVE GOD WAS A MATTER OF THE HEART AND NOT A MATTER OF WHAT WAS AVAILABLE!  Our choice to follow Jesus will always be based on our desire for Him more than a desire for what the world offers.  There will always be enticement and there will always be avenues to sin.  The fact remains: we are still drawn away more by what’s in our heart than by what’s in our face!

Loving U Like a Sister,

Regina