#4: The Fight for Her Sexual Identity

#4: The Fight for Her Sexual Identity - the continued study of the Shulamite woman from the series "Then I Became in His Eyes as One Who Found Peace"

The correlation between past experiences and now behavior is evident and can be used as a study to help people understand how they ended up where they are.  This is extremely good news to the people who struggle with their sexual identity.  A lot of times we tend to think only of homosexuality but there are many areas of sexual confusion that are developed or programmed into women because of situations from their past.

For many years I have prayed with women who have had struggles ranging from sexual deviance all the way to being indifferent or cold toward their husbands.  These are very intimate issues so most of the time they suffer silently in their anger or shame.  The good news though is that none of these issues are too difficult for God.  Through the power of His anointing, yokes are destroyed and identity can be built back by His word.  We really can be reprogrammed back into the person that God intended us to be before we were wounded.

In Song of Solomon, there is a passage about a dream that the Shulamite woman had one night.  She was awakened by an inner struggle of passion, timing, and confusion over what was appropriate.  In her struggle, she left the safety of her room and went out into the night.  The watchmen found her and they struck her.  They wounded her and took her veil away.  The veil can represent anything from virginity to specifically belonging to a certain person or group.  So in other words, taking away the veil was damaging to her identity and damaging to her future.

For the Shulamite woman, this was just a very bad dream, but for millions of women around the world this is a reality.  The number of women that have suffered some type of abuse keeps growing... Therefore, the number of hurting women coming through the church doors is growing and growing… Only God can change back what would have been and should have been before one was struck down and wounded.  The Shulamite woman found peace when she woke up from her bad dream.  For the rest of us, peace will be found in a relationship with a loving and healing God.

Log on next week and find out more about the Shulamite woman and how to find peace in study #5, "Her Respect of Jealousy".


Loving U Like a Sister,

Regina

#3 The Law of Attraction

#3:  Her Attraction to Him  The continued study of the Shulamite woman from the Old Testament book: Song of Solomon

You have probably heard the statement, "want what you have".  The enemy is always ready to deceive and devour those who dwell in the land of discontentment.  A wife who is able to keep an attitude of “I’m here because I want to be” has not only become a defense against many enemy forces in her own marriage but she has also created an area of great expectation for her daughter and her future marriage.  In other words, why would a daughter want to save herself for something that looks miserable?  It’s a proven fact that children learn what they live and a woman who lives scornfully inside her marriage need not expect her daughters to have a high regard for it.  On the other hand, a woman who knows how to celebrate her husband within her home will not only help cultivate a healthy desire but also a hope of something worth waiting for in all her children.

The Shulamite woman was able to express clearly how she felt about her marriage.  She certainly displayed an attitude of “I’m glad to be here”.  She was able to model a woman who was content and at peace with how things had turned out.  Her celebration of her husband was enticing and admonishing to us all!  She definitely knew how to talk to the King.  She understood how to affirm his masculinity, praise his strength and appreciate his power.  What man could resist such a woman?  I mean, if you were a man, wouldn’t you want to be with someone who takes pleasure in your company rather than be with someone who makes you feel like a chore?  As Christian women, we should always remember that under our husband’s Christian tag is a human tag and God made us human first.  The sin nature has an unhealthy appetite but there is such a thing as human hunger (more on that some other time).

Having trouble celebrating your husband today?  Maybe desire isn’t what it used to be?  Then be encouraged by the study of the Shulamite woman and her ability to find peace.  She was able to sustain her desire for the King by keeping her focus on his strength.  She describes his body as carved ivory, his hands as rods of gold, and his legs as pillars of marble (all of these symbolize great value and strength).  Every man has his own value and strength whether his title is "King" or not. If you ask God to anoint your eyes, you will see your husband’s masculinity as never before and your praise of him will unlock many doors of new desire between you both.  I tell women, “never underestimate the power of attraction” and most people will get up early for something they desire (and even stay up late).  There are perversions and counterfeits to both sides, but it’s only through the connection between masculinity and femininity that people find true fulfillment and peace.

Log on next week and find out more about the Shulamite woman and how to find peace in study #4, "The Fight for Her Sexual Identity".

Loving U Like a Sister,

Regina

#2 The Importance of Her Self Esteem

Insight Number Two: The Importance of Her Self Esteem

It’s easy to feel insecure in a world that constantly tells you that you’re not enough.  Most women have to battle negative thoughts and feelings about themselves. It’s funny though - most of us never even question where those negative thoughts are coming from. We need to stop and consider where it is that we are getting our information. As Christian women, we have God’s Spirit of truth and acceptance that lives on the inside of us. We can train our ear to listen to what His voice says about us instead of what the world is telling us.

The Shulamite woman seems to have battled thoughts that caused her to doubt and question her value as she compared herself to other women. How many times have we been there? In the first chapter of Song of Solomon, she is apologizing for the color of her skin as if she’s not enough or not as beautiful as all of the other fair skinned women (how funny is that to our generation of tanners?!). It’s interesting though, at the beginning of the very next chapter she is referring to herself as the rose of Sharon and the Lily of the Valleys. It seems that a deeper voice of esteem and assurance took dominion over those insecure thoughts. According to the scholars, she was a poor country girl who worked with her family tending grapes. She would have had every imaginable reason to feel less or lower than the others but her words reveal that she was able to identify herself as something beautiful that she was offering the King.

The Shulamite woman was able to exemplify that being different from everyone else doesn’t make you less it makes you unique. She found favor and acceptance through looking into the eyes of the King instead of comparing herself with everyone else around her. I believe that she decided not to compete for a position that was already hers. You would be surprised at how many women end up there! She was able to withstand the challenge to a power struggle and never gave into the pressure to perform. Again, you’d be surprised at how many women end up there! Her response to the King was with words of the utmost sincerity, honesty and vulnerability. Now, as women, we all need to end up there!

Near the end of the last chapter in Song of Solomon, the Shulamite declares that she had found peace. Her self esteem was the second element that was a part of her finding it. Knowing that we are enough will not only help us win a serious war, it will also keep us from silly little battles that rob us of our time and energy. Next week's insight: #3 Her Attraction to Him!

Loving U Like a Sister,

Regina

#1 Maturity Will Help Bring Peace

The teaching, “Then I Became in His Eyes as One who Found Peace”, is perspectives from the female point of view from the book: Song of Solomon. I shared some of this teaching a few years ago during a women’s conference at a local church. The teaching was born through a desire for a better relationship  between my husband and I. I have learned that you can be a good Christian, in love with God, and yet still be defeated in your relationships. I was defeated for a very long time in many ways until the Holy Spirit opened my eyes and revealed God’s word to me. There’s power in His word! Every application will bring a positive result. That is what separates the Bible from everything else you will ever read. These insights were life-changing for me and I know they will be for you too!


The Shulamite woman had everything in her life that most women desire. She had the King (which sounds like more than enough) and all of the pleasures of being his bride. Most of all, she had peace, which seems to be the very thing most women are lacking these days.

Seven Areas of Insight from the Study of the Shulamite Woman

Number One: Her Maturity

This might not seem like any information that is life-changing, but you’d be surprised how many little girls are walking around in women’s bodies. I always say, “Little girls are cute and fun to be around but they make horrible wives!” Don’t believe me? Just spend some time talking to a man who’s in a relationship with a grown woman who acts more like a child. Your husband is in need of a mature woman who can handle the pressures of life in the same way that the Shulamite woman was expected to handle the pressure of being married to the King.  Men need a responsible partner and want someone capable of helping them "build".  I’ve talked with many single women in the church who are hoping for a husband. They say to me, “I’m waiting for the King! “, I reply, “That’s great as long as you let God make you into queen material!” Never underestimate the ability of the King to discern the difference between a little princess and a real queen! Little princesses want to BE SERVED, but real queens SERVE.

Women who desire to be in a close relationship with a man need to be aware of every area of defeat in their life, especially areas of immaturity. Most men have a very low tolerance for “child like behavior” in women. Maturity will help bring peace. If you are single and you want to attract the right one, you must become the right one. The peace is in knowing that you’ve done your part so that God can do His. If you are a married woman, the peace is in knowing that you can change your attitude and you will be surprised at what will change after that!

Log on next week for INSIGHT # 2 from the study of the Shulamite Woman:  The Importance of Her Self-Esteem

Loving U Like a Sister,

Regina

Men... Who needs them???

It doesn’t take a genius to recognize that people are more confused today about their relationships than ever before.  Women are bombarded with information about love and sex but aren’t convinced that they are getting all the facts.  They seem to have caught on that magazines from the checkout aisle are lacking depth about these subjects and they are now more inclined to seek the truth which can only be found in the Word of God.  This is a good thing.  I mean, it’s great that women are coming back to the Bible for answers and help.  The world’s contradiction is very noticeable as it sends messages that blatantly disdain men (especially tv sitcoms where men are portrayed as incapable and useless) and at the same time, give women tips and suggestions on how to entice and captivate one!  A great relationship between women and men will only be built upon the high value that God places on both sexes.

To begin this teaching, we must understand God’s design for women:  a normal woman would want to be loved and desired by a man.  It was His plan and His design for women.  I have had women shamefully confess to me at the altar that they wanted a husband.  They drop their head as if they were seeking the most inappropriate, hideous thing.  It would be humorous to me if it weren’t so sad.  I find it interesting that "the world" has tried to convince women that they don’t need a man and now they feel guilty that they want one.  Another disheartening situation that I have frequently witnessed is women who feel that their marriage is a lifeless, loveless, even hopeless situation.  They are not convinced that God will change things.  They seem to think that He could care less or that He is just not concerned with that part of their life..….Oh but He is…..that is why the Song of Solomon was included in the word of God!

In Song of Solomon, we see a couple who had everything good that God ordained for marriage.  They seem to have had a fairy tale romance and marriage but God’s word is no fairy tale book at all -- it is The Book of Truth!  God wants women to know that He desires for them to have the same type of intimacy and friendship with their husband that the Shulamite woman had with King Solomon.  It was written to be proof that awesome relationships not only exist but they are worth praying, waiting and working for.  Just like anything else though, we each have a responsibility to learn what the Word of God says and apply it to our lives in a daily walk.  I tell women, "God’s Word works:  if you don’t have what is says you can have then it’s because you are not doing what it tells you to do!"  His Word is a system, and like any good system, you must learn how to work it to get results.

I have and I am a personal testimony that great relationships can be built.  It’s good to know that we have been given a way to build one because most of us will not inherit one. You too can build something so awesome between you and your husband that will make others jealous - just kidding!!  I mean it will be a light and offer hope to others in a lonely world where people are desperately seeking help and wanting something lasting and real.  Get out the Bible, go to the book of Song of Solomon, and read it this week and I will begin the teaching in a few days…….come on its only eight chapters!!  It will probably be the most interesting and steamiest thing you’ve read all summer!

Loving U Like a Sister,
 
Regina

Then I became in His eyes as one who found Peace

Starting next week, I will begin sharing some of the material from my teaching entitled:  "Then I Became in His eyes as one who found Peace".  The teaching comes solely from the book of Song of Solomon. The material is basically a teaching on women’s sexuality and the feminine role.  Some church people get nervous when we enter these waters and a few women especially don’t seem to amen this kind of teaching.  I have often asked them, “in the sixties, when the world was yelling loudly for sexual deviance and spreading filth about human sexuality, why didn’t someone stand up and teach the truth?”  I have checked to see what the CHURCH was teaching young women back then and I cannot find a single word.  It seems the world had a loud, obnoxious voice and the church had no voice at all!

Coming from a background of sexual abuse, I had so many questions and so many areas of defeat in my life when I entered the church.  Not right away, but when I felt safe enough to ask for help, I didn’t get any.  I once asked a pastor’s wife about a certain passage in the Bible, as it seemed to pertain to my situation, but she couldn’t answer me.  She really didn’t know how to help me.  I then went to God and found out that He had a lot to say to women regarding sexuality.  That is when my personal journey of getting out of Egypt began!  Those that call on the name of the Lord shall be delivered.

Through the years, I have come to realize that there are countless numbers of women who struggle in the most intimate areas of their lives.  You’ll be glad to know that I’ve never asked God anything that His Spirit couldn’t help me find the answer to.  God has never been offended at any of my questions.  He is only offended at our unbelief.  God wants women to be helped and to know the truth.  You, as women, have confirmed that you are interested in learning how to come into a place of peace in your relationship with men.

The Bible has a lot to say about romance, sexual desire, personal responsibility, and loyal love!  Don’t think these subjects are interesting?  I assure you some day, if not now, your daughter will!  She will want to be loved and desired (hopefully in that order).  She will want to be “happy” and have a wonderful, fulfilling relationship with a man but it’s hard for our daughters to inherit what we don’t have.  We will all leave some kind of inheritance to our children.  Why not invest now into understanding and be able to pass it along with the rest of your "valuables".  Not only is she worth the investment but you might be surprised at how much help this teaching can really be to you!  I always say, "God can fix a small dent but He also works well with broken pieces!"  I am living proof.  For I truly have "become in his eyes as one who found peace".

Loving U Like a Sister,

Regina

Whew!!! What a Situation!

So many times, we get into situations and wonder where God is.  We don’t feel like He has heard a word of our prayer and there are some of us who feel like he heard but refused to help us.  It really is times like these that develop faith in us.  I have noticed that it is easier to get people to read the word of God than to get them to trust it.  Unfortunately, reading the word of God alone will never develop faith in anyone.  I know women and men who have read the Bible regularly while in jail and prison (for a lack of anything else to read) and they never developed any faith.  Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.  Therefore, we must all be granted a situation where we cannot see the evidence but our hope is in the fact that God said He would do it!

I don’t know what your IT is today, but I know God.  I know that if He allowed it to be in His word, you can trust it.  I know that He is a healing, delivering, restoring, saving God!  I didn’t just read that He was all these things but I went into a situation with Him where it was developed in me that He is all these things.  I had a sickness situation, a bondage situation, a bad marriage situation, and above all, a "badly needing saved" situation.  God came through!  He proved that He was everything that His word said that He was.  I found out that God was bigger than all of my situations!

If you are in a situation today, check and see what the word of God says about it.  Ask God to help you renew your hope in Him.  Remember, there is a difference between wishing and hoping.  Wishing for God to move is just waiting. Hoping in God is waiting with an expectation!  Be like King David in the Bible, he expected to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  You may not believe me right now, but some day you will thank God for the situation.  Without IT you would never know God beyond what you’ve READ Him to be instead of whom you will KNOW Him to be.  Those of us in the ministry probably testify more than we preach that He is certainly worth getting to know.  HE IS GOD!

Loving U Like a Sister,

Regina